As is normal in newlywed life, most of our "extra" monies are going toward our goal of owning our own home (a mere twinkle in our eyes at this point, but a goal nonetheless). Ergo, we had to get creative for gifts this year.
So, I bought him a bike. . .
No, seriously, it's something he's wanted and needed and deserved for a while. After all, this is the man who tirelessly does what I ask of him with few objections. He trusts and loves and gives without complaint. Perfect, he is not, but I daresay he's pretty darn close. Thanks, Mom and Pop Miller for raising such a stellar son.
Getting back the festivities. . . Every year I tell myself that I'm going to spend more time with the Savior and less time at Target and every year I fall a little bit short. I think that's the point, though, isn't it? To try to focus on the birth of our Lord just a little more than last year? To that end, this year our group of friends adopted a couple of boys through the Red Bag program. Together we went shopping for these two faceless kiddos. We bought toys and clothes and roller blades and books, wrapped them, and shoved them into a big, red, Santa-like bag. For a while, we collectively forgot the task of picking out the perfect gifts for each other and instead spent our time, money, and effort on picking out things that these two boys actually needed. It was really. . .fun.
On the flip-side of that, we had another enormous blessing this year: our entire family spent Christmas together. I can't remember the last time all four of us kids got to spend an entire evening sitting around the old, wooden kitchen table laughing our guts out. The circumstances weren't perfect by any means, but I'll be forever grateful that we had that opportunity. Jonny gave up Christmas with his family this year to spend it with mine. His parents are off to the Philippines for an 18-month mission this coming February, so his sacrifice has not gone unnoticed, nor is it unappreciated. I'll have to make him meat dinners for a week just to make it up to him. :)
I report these two activities to share with you my reflections on my goal of focusing on Christ. In retrospect, my efforts are almost laughable. I spent a few hours picking out and wrapping gifts for some little boy I didn't know, and I expected the warm, fuzzy, Christmas feelings to abound and change my entire outlook on life, Scrooge-style. Guess what? It didn't happen. Sure, I felt great. I felt like our group had done a great thing in helping someone who would have very little without us, but it didn't change my heart forever. I didn't have a new outlook on life. The warm fuzzies didn't even stay very long. I mean, it was 10pm on a work night. I was exhausted!!
On the other hand, there was the family time. There were arguments, fights, insults thrown, feelings hurt, and threats to leave. That almost always has to be endured when every Birdsall is present and accounted for in one house. We also spent several days playing games, making fun of each other, frequenting the dog park together, encouraging an ever-present food coma, and trying our best to help out when needed. Mom hurt her foot pretty bad, so we made her sit down and we took over making Christmas dinner. That was no small feat (HAHA! FEET! Pun intended). Mom can be a stubborn perfectionist and having little control over the way things were done was tough for her. (She also REALLY hates not being able to help out).
It was that last experience that really brought this season home for me. Nat, Andrea, Audrey, and I stepped in and took over when Mom just couldn't (or wasn't allowed to). All my previous Herculean efforts (and I say that with sarcasm) to make Christmas about giving fell a little flat. Suddenly it dawned on me that our little tag-team of dinner makers weren't trying to prove something or impress anyone or display our efforts to the rest of the world like a flag. We just wanted to give to the woman who has given of herself for more than 30 years.
Believe me, this is not meant to be a brag sheet. In fact, the rest of the girls are of constant help and are incredible examples to me of seeing a need and filling it without complaint or hope of reward. But for the first time, I understood what Christ was saying when he said, ". . .if ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
In Christmases to come, I will still seek opportunities to serve and give outside of my own family. I hope I won't wait around for December, either. I will, however, see it just a bit differently. These are humans we were helping; children of God, not just names on a note card.
Giving of yourself is a wonderful thing, but giving from the heart is a whole other story. At 31 years-old, I think I might finally get that.
