Here it is, by request: The exciting Part II. . .
It has been almost seven months from where I left off in my last post. In the days that followed my minor breakdown, I received some inspiring thoughts from my attendance at Time Out For Women (which, by the way, if you've never attended, you should). Every single message was one of love and understanding from my Heavenly Father. It was a rejuvenating experience.
I felt much less like a weepy pile of emotions after that. I was a little more like myself. I still hadn't started my period, however, and I was perplexed. So I took another home pregnancy test. . . and another. . . and another. . . and so on. Five tests later, I still hadn't gotten the positive response I was hoping for. So, naturally, I bought another brand, just to be sure.
I went out to lunch with my Mom that Thursday. We went to Cafe Gratitude in downtown Kansas City. Our waitress was a doula. It was wonderful to talk to her about the absolute joys of natural birth and the power that women possess to do such a thing without pain medication. It was fabulously therapeutic, but at the back of my mind sat all those negative tests. I am embarrassed to admit that I had brought another test with me that day. I sneaked away to the bathroom to take it. As I waited the appropriate time for the results, I read the instruction pamphlet, mostly out of boredom. In it were the words, "...One line may be lighter than the other. This still indicates a positive result."
I looked to the test I had just taken and saw two lines forming a plus sign; one very dark, the other very, very light. I almost laughed aloud at myself. I had now taken SEVEN pregnancy tests, all giving me a positive result that I now realize I had been ignoring. Every single test I had taken had two lines: one very dark, and one very, very light. For some reason, I had convinced myself that the tests were all negative because the results didn't look EXACTLY like I had expected. I have reflected on this over and over again. I have so often been angry or bitter or upset at the "results" of my life: I'm not yet in the career I find most rewarding, I got married too late, I don't have a house like some of my friends do, I don't have kids yet, I'm not a marathon runner or size 6, and so on. It's so easy to look right past the very blessings we are searching for because of the distracting pull of "what's missing". This was a very powerful slap in the face for me. I had cried and been angry and lectured the Lord about something He had already given me.
I found myself significantly humbled and committed to showing more gratitude after that.
Well, we went immediately from Cafe Gratitude to Shawnee Mission Urgent Care to get blood work done to confirm the pregnancy. I was between six and seven weeks, due sometime in November. My mom screamed, I cried, and when I told Jonny (story of my reveal not included in this post), he couldn't stop smiling.
I cannot possibly express the elation. We are going to have a baby. Something we've been waiting and praying for for over two years.
I feel little baby Evie moving around everyday as I get closer to my due date. It is a constant reminder of the experiences that have brought me to this point. My life didn't pan out like I had planned when I was 17.
Thank the Good Lord for that.
